J O U R N A L
The Creator as The Creative – A Stream of Consciousness
July 2023
God is so creative. Look at what he built? We are God’s creation. This is God’s creation. And that is why that when we connect to our spirit – our source that is a fragment of God’s love, when we recognize what he has done and the beauty that he has created, we can know and understand God/Source light. Because we know it in ourselves. We can know and use God’s creativity. We know ourselves as the creators. We are the creators of this reality. We did this. We made this. Because we are God and God is us. We are not separate, so when will we remember that? When will we know it on our soul that We. Are. Not. Separate. We are One and we have to remember that and start treating each other with love and kindness because this is not easy. This is not going to be easy. And we need to understand that. I need to understand this. This illusion of separation is not ours. We are lifting the veil. But there is pushback. We are in a battle, a much bigger one than on this plane. And we must put aside our differences and choose love and come together and remember who we are. Because when we all do, when we continuously choose love and recognize the beauty in you and this life, we are unstoppable. This time will come, this unity consciousness. And until then, I grant myself grace- I love myself and others and do my very best to enjoy the ride.
To Be Simple
June 2023
During a recent ceremony I had the privilege of participating in, one of my most prominent take-aways I received is to be simple.
As I prepare for my move across the world, I have naturally begun to downsize and release many of my physical belongings. This includes getting rid of clothes, decreasing the amount of products I use and own, switching over to a kindle to lighten the book load, evaluating how many crystals I really need in my space 😉 I had begun both consciously and subconsciously to downsize before my journey. And the medicine in ceremony both solidified this and showed me how to deepen this practice.
I went into my journey with the intention of forgiveness in order to find freedom and peace. I quickly realized the surface level of my intention. I now understand that there is nothing to forgive. Ever. Everything that happens is all a part of the journey and takes place always for our greatest good. Even though we may hold the perception that people have hurt us or done us wrong, all of these experiences have made us who we are today. And if you love the person that you are, then gratitude for these people and experiences is always available. If you are not in this space of self love, something that I am definitely not claiming to be perfect in, then this is a necessary direction to take in order to move upwards and onwards.
In my journey I was shown that in order to find this eternal peace that I know is possible, that I have always craved and have experienced moments of, I must simplify. To dissect this concept, I will elaborate as to how I am applying this in my life through the Koshas, the layers of our being.
Anamaya Kosha: The Physical Body
On a physical level, as I have stated before, I have begun to simplify via material objects. In addition to decluttering my physical environment, I focus on food and what is entering my body. My body no longer craves the long list of supplements or processed foods. Instead I choose clean nourishing ingredients: fresh produce and protein, tea, raw honey, things of this nature. The more natural and plain the better. My skin desires a simple two-product skincare routine. I leave the shoes at home when possible. My feet want to feel the connection to the warm summer kissed Earth. I declutter and release all that physically weighs me down.
Pranayama Kosha: The Subtle Energetic Body
This layer dives into the energetics of life. I fall into my flow state by following what excites me. Typically, I have a tendency to become overwhelmed with all of the choices. I am so aware of the possibilities. My Aquaruis brain is here, there and everywhere. This can lead to internal complication and frustration, which results in exhaustion and a lack of motivation. But by breaking down these energetic barriers and getting back to what truly lights me up, I understand I must follow and live my simple joys of life. For me, this is yoga, Sunshine, surfing. This is all things Ocean and Nature; clean and nourishing food. This is living and creating a beautiful space in which I can call home and surround myself with like-hearted individuals. This is meditation, dance, music and art. This is conscious connection and devoted solitude. These are the things that I truly LOVE. This is what excites me and stands as the pillars in my life to attain pure joy. I have learned to no longer force. I have learned that even with “to-dos” that might typically seem like a drag, that when I apply patience and wait to feel when something is truly grabbing my energetic attention in a positive manner, I can actually enjoy all tasks. My days are free, full and beautiful.
Manomaya Kosha: The Mental Body
When I complicate in this layer, which is most definitely my tendency, I experience the looping thoughts. I tend to overthink with my mind constantly in overdrive. My practice is to consistently come back to what is and what I know to be true. This is also an understanding and acknowledgement that the substance of some situations is not even about me and is simply about how I react. My work here is to ground myself in the present and utilize my tools that allow me to detox and clear the mind. This looks like journaling, meditation, breath, sound, sleep. And making these of the highest quality when possible. I know these pillars of my practice are what work to help me come back down to ground and clear. They are uncomplicated and always accessible.
Vijanamayakosha: The Intellectual Body
This layer relates to the higher intelligence of our being; the driving force behind this whole operation of Life. This is the layer of consciousness and intuition. It is also linked to the parasympathetic nervous system, which is where I begin working and simplifying this layer of my being. To break down this kosha, I first look at what causes my nervous system to become triggered. Through the medicine and work with somatics I acknowledge the grief and anger that has been stored within my body, causing a whole array of imbalances. I am finally ready to let everything go that causes and triggers this distress. I choose to simplify. I choose to simply choose love. I choose to see all of my experiences, in this life and beyond, as a beautiful form of creation that has molded me into who I am today. And that is all. No one was ever in the wrong. Nothing ever happened to me. It all just was. And is. And I have the choice to choose love and feel settled in my whole body. I have the choice to be present in this moment. It does not need to be complicated. It can all just be.
Anandamaya Kosha: The Bliss Body
No simplifying needed here. This is what is achieved when the simplification happens.
As I work on restoring balance within my body, I learn to simplify in all aspects of my life. I choose love and bliss. My skin clears, my energy flows, my mind is calm, my nervous system is regulated and peace is lived.
Finding Peace within the Chaos
May 2023
As I write this I am having trouble organizing my thoughts because I am quite literally writing about chaos and disorderliness. My mind wants to capture and condense these thoughts and experiences in an orderly manner. But that is not my reality. My current reality is chaotic, a bit messy, and also kind of fun. So I will let this piece be just that. Enjoy, or not, this turbulent writing that mirrors my life currently.
The past 8 or so months have felt quite chaotic, to say the least. It seems that every aspect of my life, everything that I had once found comfort in, has been uprooted and stirred around in some way. I keep receiving the visual of a tornado swirling around me. And during this period I have oftentimes found myself swirling around in said tornado, swept up in the heavy winds, unable to catch my footing. These sensations are often accompanied by fear, anger, anxiety…all unpleasant and overwhelming, causing me to feel powerless. And sometimes, these wind-tunnel moments are infused with excitement, joy and expansion. In these times, I welcome the chaos. I open my arms wide and let the wind take me in the various directions that it wishes to. The practice of letting go becomes easy as I welcome the adventures that life is handing me. These contrasting emotions filter in and out, a constant cycle of transformation, death and rebirth. This tornado, this portal of transformation, was ignited by the closing of a relationship of almost 6 years.
The Breakup Portal
As I was initially working through the ending of my relationship, the energy of breakups was incredibly present in the collective. Everywhere I looked, relationships of many years were coming to an end. I found comfort in this, knowing that I wasn’t alone and understanding that all of my emotions and feelings were valid. And that another awakening was definitely on the rise (in enters the tornado).
Pre-breakup, I had been searching for ways to live a more aligned life; a life that mirrored how I was feeling on the inside. I found myself frequently frustrated, irritated, and not living in my highest vibration. As a result I had been acting and reacting out of this state rather than from a place of love. When the decision had been made and the breakup took place, it felt as though the Earth came crashing down. A tragic death. Everything I had once known to be true and found comfort in was no longer. As I began to filter and release this huge part of my life that I was in the process of letting go of, Water became a very prevalent factor to assist in the cleanse. I spent much of my time filled with tears and many days plunging into the cold ocean. Here is where I began the process of my rebirth.
I knew change was coming. It was something that I was craving. The breakup was the initial force that set this transformation into motion. I was catapulted into a whirlwind, a tornado, that the Universe had been brewing for me, waiting for me to enter. At times, this immense change and upheaval of life feels like too much, like I have no control. And time after time when these feelings arise, I am hit with another dose of understanding; of knowing: I have no control of the outcome. And while I am in control of how and what I dedicate my energy towards, I am simply here to live and experience everything that I am granted. It’s in these moments of realization when I find myself in the eye of the storm. I witness all of the magic dance around me as I stand in the center in awe. I am calm. I am at peace. I am letting life stir around and happen for me. It is in these moments that I am able to pull out of the storm, rise above the chaos, and witness my experiences from a grander perspective.
The Pullout Method
And no, this method does not prove to be successful in all scenarios. 😉 But in this case, it does. As I found myself sitting in heavy emotions post breakup, the cold water was my first conscious taste in experiencing these heightened states of awareness. The heavier emotions are just that, heavy. They can weigh us down and get us stuck in lower vibrational energies. But through the practice of conscious awareness, we can quite literally pull up and out of situations and see them from a wider lens. And this is not to bypass these less comfortable emotions. We still want to experience and acknowledge them. However, we can often become stuck in this state, which can take us out of our flow.
To practice this method, when I find myself in an anxious/angry/heavier state, I first acknowledge it, “I recognize that I am feeling this way.” I then quite literally pull my consciousness up and out of the experience to widen my perspective and see myself and my situation from a bird’s eye view. I understand myself to be a silly little human living this little life here to endure all of these experiences. I am simply on a journey. And this is just a point on that journey. And I continue to move along, encountering new experiences and collecting information along the way. And then Gratitude steps in. How amazing that I have this experience and can collect this information to develop wisdom and ultimately learn and become the fullest expression of my being?
This sounds simple, and to be honest, it is. But that does not mean this practice is easy. However, I do know that I am able to develop this perspective on situations because of my mindfulness practice. My devotion to these modalities has become the only stability that I truly need, as I have come to realize, in order for me to remain present and grounded in turbulent times.
Some means of assisting in the development of conscious awareness:
- Meditation
- Cold Water Therapy
- Breathwork
- Yoga
- Sound and Music
- Dance
- Reiki
- Writing
- Human Connection
And really anything that brings you joy, moments of peace or allows you to feel good in your body.
Currently, the chaos is still very much present. And I continue to find myself swirling around the tornado, sometimes engulfed in suffocation and other times overwhelmed with joy. But when I find myself in these peace pockets, settled into the Eye, the seat of Intuition, I allow myself to relish in this contentment and know that I am always exactly where I need to be and understand this life to be truly incredible.
The Beauty in Injury
April 2023
I have dealt with injury my entire life. In fact, I come from a family who is notoriously prone to them. We are also all very active and collectively can experience a difficult time resting and being. Coincidence? No such thing.
For the past two weeks I have been flying out of my body and having a very challenging time grounding. This disassociate state is common for people to experience when under times of stress or disease. This occurs for me, too, however because I have spent so much of my life in a dissociative state, my body reacts the same to positive high energy states as it does to negative ones. I have been experiencing a lot of excitement; a lot of newness. And as a result, I was deeply struggling to remain in the body and fully experience the emotions and sensations that were present. I wanted to be somewhere else. I was addictively placing myself in these excitatory experiences. Here felt boring. There was exciting. So when I ran out of energy going There, I was forced to remain Here. As a result, I numbed out. My current tactic: being on my phone.
All that being said, I was fully aware of what was happening and how I was responding. This has not always been the case in my life. So, I consider this a win. But I was still struggling with being in the here and now. I could hardly sit and meditate, I found it difficult to stay out of my head in my yoga practice, and I even struggled to rest while receiving acupuncture. The only thing that was keeping me in the body was conscious breathwork, but even then I only had the attention span to complete a few rounds before I would get up and distract myself. But some is better than none, and for that I am proud.
All week my guides were showing me how I was distracting myself from the present. I would acknowledge them, but I was too addicted to the high that I would not act upon these nudges. It was only until I was in yoga one day and I attempted to deepen a particular pose. I heard a terrifying cracking sound come from my hip paired with a shredding sensation. I shrieked inside and slowly lowered to the ground with caution. I quickly did a full body scan. I was safe, everything would be okay, I was not in too much pain but I knew that I would be later. I laid down on my back and began to breathe. I could feel my angels circle around me. They were really sorry and a bit distressed that they had scared me. That was not their intention. But they knew I needed some pain to bring me back into my body. To ground me. So that’s what I did for the whole second half of the Power 3 flow, I laid on my back and breathed. I saw all of the energy stemming from my hip begin to melt down my leg, like lava in a lamp. I felt it wrap around my side into my iliopsoas. While a bit of fear began to creep in here and there, gratitude was the main form of expression. It felt so good to be in my body. I had been gone for too long. With the energy building, I had no choice but to be present with it.
I was meant to leave for a snowboarding trip two days after this occurrence. But with a limp in my stride, I knew this would not be my future. The following weeks and possibly months were not intended for snowboarding or asana for that matter, rather, for the dedication of true yoga: sitting and breathing.
While I was appreciative of all of the “I’m sorry”s and “I feel bad,”s, I was content with the new plan moving forward. I knew the pain would eventually leave and the injury would heal. My nervous system has begun to settle from the previous week’s chaos: I was finally able to rest from all of the sleep deprivation and the distraction has lessened. Gratitude continues to fill me as I heal from this injury and take away with me all of the beauty and magic that has stemmed from it.
My journey with Sound:
March 2023
From a very young age it was obvious that my voice was a very powerful force. In preschool I took it upon myself to make a group Christmas performance of “Go Tell It on the Mountain” my personal solo debut. By age 7, I was performing in 3 musical theater shows a year, give or take. I loved being on stage. I loved singing. It came naturally to me. It was no coincidence that when I entered high school and stopped singing, I began to lose sight of myself. Of course, this parallel was not made until later. It was always in the back of my mind, to bring music back into my life, to start singing again.
When I was first introduced to crystal bowls, I was mesmerized. For my 23rd birthday my sister gifted me my first singing bowl, an E note Solar Plexus frosted quartz. I quickly discovered that this bowl loved to harmonize. My voice would literally expand when I sang with it. Not too long after, my bowl dropped and shattered. I was shocked, devastated and ashamed. How could I let something so precious break right in my hands? I immediately started searching for a replica. As if replacing it would make all of the unwanted feelings disappear. I found versions, but not one of that size and note for an affordable price.
Over the course of the week I came across some rare yet promising candidates via Facebook Marketplace, some solo bowls here and there, and then all of a sudden I was looking at full sets. The next weekend I found myself in a women’s driveway playing her miraculous bowls, learning about her journey with them and soon loading all 6 of them into my car (her heart bowl continued to break on her, which I learned was a common occurrence when working with the energy of crystal bowls, and I happened to have a solo heart bowl on the way, a panicked purchase made immediately after the breaking of my first bowl in an instant attempt to fill a void).
I was not looking for these bowls. They found me. And it quickly became clear as to why. This has become an outlet for me to live and share my truest expression while allowing others to do the same through the powerful medicine of Sound.
Laughter is My Medicine
March 2023
Since I was little I’ve always had an infectious laugh. One that typically makes others laugh just by being. It makes perfect sense that my birthday, January 24th, resides on global belly laugh day. I was born to laugh. I have come to learn it is my greatest medicine for both myself and for others. No amount of energy work and sound bowls in the world can compete with the overwhelming joy that results from absolute hysteria.
This was something that I was made fun of as a kid, by seemingly laughing at everything and being mimicked by one of my infamous laughter signals. During a recent mushroom trip I had a flashback to freshman year high school science class where I was being scolded for not being able to contain my laughter. And in my trip I bursted out laughing. I couldn’t contain it then and I wasn’t going to try to now. I understood how insane it is that we actually tell people not to laugh. That rather than asking what was so funny and wanting to join in or even just recognizing the sheer humor of stepping out of the simulation and realizing how hilarious it is that we are humans sitting at these desks and pretending to be serious about topics that are not serious is enough cause to invite laughter in.
Maybe we wouldn’t have to work so hard to reignite our spirit if we allowed in more laughter and joy (Hasaya Rasa) into our lives. In “The Yoga of the Nine Emotions,” Peter Marchand claims, “…Humor takes the seriousness out of life, and what else is this seriousness but a hanging on to our illusionary roles and games, against all evidence” (49). While so often we remain stuck in the depth of our emotions, laughter allows us to pull up and out and see situations from a fuller, lighter perspective. We can see past the illusion (Maya). And when we see past Illusion, we know Truth, we know Purpose, we know Ourselves and our true nature as Divine.
Additional Medicinal Benefits of Laughter
“The Yoga of the Nine Emotions”
- Reduces: tension, anger, fear or depression
- Helps in digestion (the fire element aids digestive fire)
- Improves immune system
- Strengthens cardiovascular system
Resonance
March 2023
What does it mean to resonate?
In Sutra 1. 26 translated by Swami Satchidananda, it states, “Unconditioned by time, Isvara is the teacher of the most ancient teachers.” Isvara means Lord or God, understood as a person, in form.
God/Source is the ultimate teacher. Even the greatest teachers in physical form look to and learn from God. I find this empowering because we all have this teacher to look to. We never need to go outside of ourselves to learn what is true. We all have The Great Teacher within us. We are all the Great Teacher. As we are all fragments of Source.
Our physical form teachers, maybe those we look up to or those who trigger us or those who remind us to be kind, are just mirrors to reflect back information; to help us remember what we already know. When someone speaks Truth, it’s common to get body chills, unconsciously nod our head, or close our eyes and go inward to let the information settle. There is some type of body remembrance that happens when we come in contact with information that resonates. These sensations feel good in the body. And while the information may momentarily, seemingly “blow our minds”, it’s often not surprising. Because we know it to be true, and we sometimes just need to be reminded. Those who remind us of Truth are our teachers. Everything that resonates is just us remembering what we already know.
To resonate means to remember.
Cassidy Solomon 